My sister in law lives in CA but the bridal shower is in her home town in IL. We are trying to find the appropriate wording for the invitations that state the gifts should be shipped to her home or the purchase be put on a gift card. What is the proper way of saying this?

Weddings by Shayna

It is not appropriate to put gift requirements on the shower invite – where to send them, preference for gift cards, etc. If someone is choosing to bring a gift, it is a courtesy and should be accepted as such.

Worst-case-scenario, you will either have to ship the gifts to her, or take them back to the store in Illinois and re-purchase them in California.

All of your guests, I presume, know she lives in California, and many will ask you how that should be handled. It is best to spread that by word-of-mouth.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Louidfamily,

This wouldn’t be proper or polite and there is no way to politely invite guests to it. The traditional gift giving shower must be planned and hosted very carefully in order to appear proper and not a gift grab. Family isn’t involved, unless also an attendant; the shower is small and intimate; only those invited to the wedding may be invited, and these guests should be close to the couple (not just friends of the parents); and gifts should be opened in front of the guests. These gifts shouldn’t just be gift cards (we never request them) or shipped anywhere besides the location of the shower.

If the bride has a problem shipping her gifts home after the shower, she should opt for a gift-less shower–a much fairer event for guests.

Best wishes,