I’m the MOH in a friend’s wedding. The other 2 bridesmaids and I were supposed to plan the shower. We agreed on the time and place together. As all three of us are hosting and made the arrangements for where to have the shower, it seemed silly to send the other 2 girls invitations. After all, we’re not guests. Yesterday, I got a frantic phone call from the bride because one of my co-hostesses told her that I’m being very rude to her because I never sent her a formal invitation and just told her the information and she’s no longer attending the shower. I find this totally inappropriate because 1. It’s not right to involve the bride in this and 2. She’s co-hosting, she shouldn’t need a formal invitation to an event that she herself is planning. Was I wrong not to send her a formal invitation?

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

You’re right that the bride should not have been involved in this drama, nor should she really know much about the planning. If the three of you planned the shower together, and the invitations indicated that all three are hosting, then there would be no need to send an invitation to a host since she’s already involved in the inviting. An invitation is sent to guests who ned to know the when, where and how of the bridal shower – she already knows this. 🙂

I’d try to give this woman a call and gently remind her that since she’s hosting she doesn’t need to receive the information – and really no harm was meant. Ask her to please disuss any future concerns with you directly (you don’t bite!) and let the bride have her many other wedding stresses, the bridal shower shouldn’t be one of them. Maybe offer to meet her for linch to sure things up a bit.

Hope this helps and you go on to have a wonderful time at the shower and wedding.

Jodi R R Smith, The Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting

I completely agree with Donna’s advice. There is no need to send a co-host an invitation. (If she wanted one for her scrapbook all she would need to do is ask!) Clearly this fellow bridesmaid is crying out for attention and the fact that she would involve the bride is simply immature. Do call her to smooth things over. You will need to take the high road on this one for the sake of the bride. Good luck!

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Let’s make it three. I also completely agree. You did nothing inappropriate, but it is best to smooth this over for the sake of the bride.