10 Friends, No Siblings. Feeling Hurt After Being Left Out of the Wedding Party
My only brother is getting married and his fiance who I though liked me has left me out of the bridal party and I have always got along with my brother. I thought she would have considered me important enough to be in the bridal party. I have always included her in my childrens birthday celebrations and we get along. But she has chosen to have 5 of her friends and has excluded me her only sister in law she has tried to fob me off with a reading in the church.
I feel completely betrayed by her and my brother for them to not include me as someone that they both feel is close enough to be in their bridal party.I cant stop feeling so betrayed and am now estranging myself from my brother and her as I feel it is the ultimate act of betrayal and now I think she is a really hard person.
What makes it worse is that I only said yes to my daughter being their flower girl because my brother made out like he wasnt having a bridal party. Can anyone understand why I feel so betrayed? Call me traditional but I both think they have no manners.
Wedding Queen
I understand your disappointment about not being selected to be a bridesmaid, but I don’t think it has to be a relationship divider. Perhaps your brother’s bride has other women with whom she’s closer? Maybe she already has to exclude some close friends or family members because there are too many from which to choose? If you’ve already had a nice relationship, I see no reason to end it because you weren’t invited to be a bridesmaid. I doubt this has anything at all to do with you or how they feel about you. Please try not to take this personally. And remember, it’s a lot of responsibility to be a bridesmaid, not to mention expense. So try focusing on that and your daughter’s role as flower girl. That role will probably take some time getting fitted for the dress and, depending on her age, teaching her how to walk down the aisle and how to properly behave at the wedding and reception. In my opinion, your role as mother of the flower girl is most important.
Also – don’t discount your reading. It is an important part of the wedding ceremony. The CEREMONY and marrying of the two is the focus. Don’t get hung up on roles, dresses, etc. That’s just stuff. We just had a post yesterday from a bride asking about inviting her new sister-in-law to be a bridesmaid. This might help you see things from the bride’s perspective.
I hope you can get past this and continue your nice relationship with your new sister-in-law.
Larry James, President CelebrateIntimateWeddings.com
Betrayal? I don’t think so. Not inviting you to the wedding might (emphasize “might”) even be a stretch to get to betrayal.
I believe that sometimes it is best to eliminate close family members from the wedding party and the responsibilities that go with it so they can sit back and enjoy the celebration of Love! Let it go. He is your brother! Love him and his wife-to-be and demonstrate your love to them by being the best “reader” you can be. I understand your disappointment, however, focusing on such pettiness can ruin relationships. Do not allow your disappointment to show or allow it to interfere in any way. His wife will be family! Make a special effort to welcome her into your family. Enjoy the wedding!
The Wedding Expert
Rather than focus in why you didn’t get included, it is probably smarter to focus on deal with hurt feelings after not being included in the bedding party. Talk about your reaction and help ease some of the disappointment. Tell the bride or groom how you feel as long as you do so in a non judgemental tone. It is really important to allow the bride to explain why you weren’t included in the bridal party. It may be hard to listen to byt try to listen honestly. Avoid making any rash decisions soon after realizing you aren’t going to be included in the wedding party. Strong emotions like feeling hurt or left out don’t always result in good decisions, so it’s best to avoid making decisions until you have cooled off a bit.