Someone is throwing a Jack and Jill shower for the couple at a hall which I understand to be a cash bar and food is being provided. There will be games etc. which I assume the proceeds will go to the couple. I didn’t receive an actual invitation for this just a phone call. When I asked about gifts or contributing towards one I wasn’t given a straight answer. Just told there will be games to play etc.

So what is the proper etiquette in gift giving in this case (remember I am a bridesmaid) or is the money they make off the cash bar and the games the gift?

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Bridesmaid,

You should have been included in the planning of this. So, since you were not, you do not have anything to feel guilty about. Hosting these parties is optional anyway.

The Jack and Jill they are planning is a mess. I’m sorry, but it is. We never invite guests to a party for which they are expected to pay. It is like asking our guests to bring their wallets. So, it is probably best that you are not involved. I wouldn’t want to be. Cash bar??? Games for which the guests pay to play???

Nauseating.

Best wishes,

Best wishes,

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

I agree with Rebecca. Sounds more like a fundraiser. Steer clear.