My son is getting married in the Spring. It is going to be a formal church wedding with bridesmaids and MOH in long formal gowns.

When the engagement was announced the bride stated to me that she didn’t have a preference if the MOB & MOG wear long, tea length or short, we didn’t necessarily have to wear the same length.

My problem is, we’re 6 months away from the wedding, the Bride’s gown has been purchased, bridesmaids dresses ordered, the MOB went with bride & maids and looked at dresses and I wasn’t invited to go to the bridal shop to look or try on dresses. I’ve sent emails to the MOB after attending a bridal show together and I get no response. So I’m at a loss as what to do.

The MOB is planning on wearing a knee length dress, and with this being a formal wedding I feel the “Mothers” will look out of place if we don’t wear long formal gowns too.

Our daughter is a bridesmaid and the bride’s sisters are bridesmaids as well, so when family pictures are taken the Mothers will be in short dresses and all the girls in gowns, the FOG will be wearing a tux per the Bride and Groom.

So, with all this background info, sorry so long. I’ve picked out a gown and back in the summer after my son attending a friends wedding he called to tell me he thought I should wear a long gown. The bride has never asked me if I’ve looked at dresses, if I’d like to go with them to look for dresses. I’ve went to the local bridal shop and they told me to order my dress by the end of December in order for it to be here and altered in time.

How long do I wait before ordering a dress? If the bride shows no interest, do I just order what I’ve chosen? I’ve hinted to her on several occasions and I’ve asked her if her mother has picked out a dress and she never shows interest in me looking or purchasing a dress.

I’m at a loss as what to do. The wedding colors are purple and yellow. The MOB has blonde hair and she has chosen to wear a shade of purple and I am to wear some shade of yellow. Since I didn’t go with the bridal party and haven’t seen the colors, can I wear gold? not a flashy gold, the dress is very tasteful and more of a toned down gold. Thanks for any suggestions and help you can give.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Soon2BaMIL,

Gold is fine, but dressing more formally than the MOB is not. You still have plenty of time to choose a dress and the bridal shop may not be the best place to start. Many of us can be a different size between now and four months from now, which is a more reasonable time to choose your dress unless you really need alterations on all of your clothing. Not many of us do.

It is fairly common not to include the MOG in shopping for dresses. So, there isn’t anything incorrect there. And, if you haven’t found out what the MOB has chosen by now, it could mean that she hasn’t decided. After all, there is plenty of time.

Now on the length, long would be better, but this is just one of the elements of formality. As long as the MOB chooses a dress in the same formality as the attendants, she and you should be fine. If you choose something longer, please do not choose a dress more formal than her.

Also, a tux is formal evening attire. Hopefully the wedding is being held during the evening.

Best wishes,