I have a number of young employees located all around the US (the closest is 250 miles from my home). Many have sent my wife and I invitations to their weddings as a “boss courtesy,” likely knowing I will not attend. Am I obligated to send a gift?

Nancy Tucker

Dear Hrhollan, invited guests are expected to send a gift whether or not they attend. You may want to consider a standard gift item without personality or individual taste and see if the will make you less popular. The other option is to start showing up.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Actually, I’m in the growing etiquette camp of those who believe that those invited to a wedding are not obligated to send a gift in receipt of a piece of paper (invitation) unless attending the wedding. It is in direct opposite of some etiquette opinions, but gaining ground with many others in print–well-known books. So I say, “Send a card.” [;)]

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

This is why I’m against sending invitations to everyone in the workplace unless they are close friends (or to the co-workers of the parent’s of the couple).

I believe Peggy Post said in her latest book that a gift is not required if you are not a close family member or friend or haven’t seen the couple in years. That could help lower the number of couples who sent out an invitation to anyone they have ever known in hopes that they won’t attend and they’ll send a gift.