My neice eloped a few weeks ago to a man she only knew for a few weeks. Her parents attended the ceremony which was local and no one else was invited. In fact the day was kept hush hush so ‘no one showed up” ( as I was told). They are having a reception (desserts and cocktails only, no children) in 6 weeks. My neice wants a shower. Her mother has asked the family to give her one. Is it appropriate to have a bridal shower? If so, please offer any suggestions on how to make it respectable and not just a greedy/ selfish event. Thanks!!!

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

No, a bridal shower is not appropriate in this case for the following reasons:

1. The shower is an optional event planned before the wedding ceremony, not reception, as a way to, not only give the bride gifts to set up the new house, but to also offer a way for those closest to her to feel as a part of the wedding planning process.

2. Only those invited to the wedding ceremony are to be invited to the bridal shower. Since there were no guests to the ceremony – no shower guest – no shower.

3. Showers are not to be given by family members (unless they are a part of the bridal party), since this would appear as self serving.

Your niece gave up this option when she eloped, sorry, and it is not proper for her mother to ask others to host a party for her daughter. No one should feel obligated to host a party and should only do so if they wan to host. Anyone who has been asked can politely refuse. If the mother insists on hosting this event herself you can choose to decline the invitation.