Hello!

My partner and I are getting married late November. We have 4 bridesmaids. We both have lots of friends/family and my partner is also in a sorority. We have over 150 coming to the wedding. We scoured the guest list and have a bridal shower list of 80. Is that too many people. This will be for both of us and co-ed. 3 of the 4 bridesmaids have been planning (#4 is 18yo), and I fear that that is too much of an expense to find location and food. My partner and I really looked carefully at the list and we feel each person would attend. Too many? AND there are guests willing to help. Should we have the bridesmaids accept help of the guests in the planning and financing?

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Kkendrick,

We have many posts concerning bridal shower etiquette. It might help to read them, as this shower would be the same as for any other couple. This is also in every etiquette book that includes wedding information.

This is way too many guests. Plus, the hosts should set the amount of guests they wish to host (35 max). Yours seems as if it is a wedding reception, which is not a prewedding party, nor is it a gift giving event. The shower should be a small intimate affair with only those very close to the couple invited–it shouldn’t cost much. Yours also could appear as a giant gift grab, especially in these days of more couples opting for the gift-less shower.

We never expect or ask our guests to pay for the party, which means that they are treated and do not assist.

You shouldn’t be involved at all in your shower except to offer a list of those who are close to you to those willing to host one.

Best wishes,