I am not in the wedding party, but am co-organizing a bridal shower and bachelorette party together with someone who is in the wedding party. We agree on the shower, but are undecided how to word the invite for the bachelorette party. We are considering going to dinner after the shower guests leave, and then bowling. How do we word in the invite so the guests know they are responsible for paying for their meal and bowling expenses or is this not proper? We are both definitely up for any ideas or suggestions.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Same day parties,

This is tricky because we never invite guests to a party that they are expected to host (pay). The bridal shower would be hosted by you, which is perfect. But, we all know that the bachelorette party is the one party that is the big exception to the ‘rule.’ It is hosted by the guests. Everyone treats the bride. So, in doing this on the same day with the same invitation, it makes it difficult.

Perhaps, you could mention on the invitation that those who wish to join you for the bachelorette party following the bridal shower to call you. This way you can inform them of your plans.

You could also ask the restaurant to give you a choice of three meals so you may give your guests these choices with prices as an enclosure in the invitation. Again you could state that those attending the bachelorette party which follows the bridal shower need to choose their meal and remit payment before the event.

Asking them to call you is probably the best way to deal with this, but either will work.

Best wishes,

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

Try sending two invitations; one for the shower and one for the bachelorette party. [:)]