I have a few questions regarding being the MOH. I am in 2 weddings, one of the being my sister’s and I am the MOH in both. Apparently I have gotten word that my sister is expecting me to have to pay for everything for her shower. She is the one who bought the invites, but I did fill them all out. I did go to the dress shop every time. I am the one who went and picked out the centerpiece’s for the shower. However the shower was not my idea, it was my sisters, but she is now mad, I guess, because I am not planning on paying for EVERYTHING. I am helping out with cost of food, and decorations. She seems to think she should not have to pay for anything. She also has not asked any of the bridesmaids to help with any cost. She says that I am the one who is supposed to pay for everything. This is causing a huge problem between the 2 of us and I don’t want to argue with her about it. How can I let her know that I am not supposed to be the one to fork over all this cash for a party she planned. Please help me thanks so very much

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites,

The bride should have nothing to do with planning (or paying for) a shower for her wedding and she’s not event entitled to have one. if someone, other than a family member, wants to host a shower then she would pan and pay for the entire thing. However, if you wanted to ask other members of the bridal party if they wanted to co-host, then plan a meeting with these people, outlining a date, location and expenses agreed upon.

Hope this helps.

Jay Remer, The Etiquette Guy, International Protocol and Corporate & Social Etiquette

The bride, in this case your sister, has no business organizing her own shower, nor has she any right to decide who pays for it. If you want to throw her a shower with the other bridesmaids participating fully, that is your decision, not hers. I would make this very clear to her, lest a misunderstanding create lingering resentments. She is clearly wrong here. Good luck!

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites,

Agreed. Perhaps a ood shower gift would be an etiquette book. 😉

Darlene Taylor, PBC
TaylorMade Weddings

Oh I totally agree!! She is NOT entitled to one. If it was not your idea to host a shower for her, it is not your responsibility to pay for it, especially the entire thing.

Now, usually it’s the bridesmaids’ responsibility to pow-wow to plan a shower. Sometimes the duties (duties being planning and organizing here not footing the entire bill) fall upon the maid of honor or another friend or perhaps a female cousin. Etiquette states that the only one who’s forbidden to host the shower is the mother of the bride. AND…the bride has little or no control of the event which may drive her nuts not having the final say or bowing to someone else’s wishes. But again, nothing says she HAS to have one. As bridesmaids, you should get together, pow-wow to plan a shower and plan one that is within YOUR collective means. If the bride doesn’t like it – too bad. It would be unfortunate for her to be an ungrateful bride.

You don’t have to purchase a lot of decorations or fru-fru for the shower. Between you and the other bridesmaids, you can make cookies or cupcakes at home, chop your own veggies, make your own punch. Punch is inexpensive. Alcohol is where things get pricey. Utilize a local party discount store for supplies – after all, those plates and cups are just going to get thrown away. Maybe have just one big centerpiece and DIY the rest of them. There are a ton of things you can do with mason jars! Try decorating aluminum cans with craft paper and putting baby’s breath in them. There are very inexpensive ways to do this, split the cost with the other bridesmaids and it won’t break the bank.

Good Luck!

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites

Note that etiquette states that no relatives except someone in the bridal party should host a shower. A shower isn’t mandatory according to bridesmaids duties. If you want to host one, ask the other bridesmaids if they’d like to assist.

The shower should be something fairly informal, no fancy invitations are needed.

Jodi R R Smith, The Mannersmith Etiquette Consulting
Author, The Etiquette Book, A Complete Guide To Modern Manners

Hang in there! Being the MOH in TWO weddings can be exciting and stressful all at the same time. Take a deep breath and know that your sister is also stressed about her upcoming wedding and the big step into being married.

Speak with your sister’s other bridesmaids to see what ideas they have and ask how much they are willing to contribute to the budget. Once you have an idea of what the budget is, you can begin to consider the type of shower you would like to throw in your sister’s honor.

Good luck ~