Dress Colors For A Vow Renewal

Question: Does your wedding gown truly have to match your wedding colors?

I am renewing my vows after 10 years, and I am going all out. I never had a wedding of any sort (not even a justice of the peace), so we decided to do the WHOLE THING. My wedding colors (after about 20 changes) are black/white/silver. I have found a GORGEOUS dress that I absolutely adore at David’s Bridal (Oleg Cassini CV132), but I just realized that the embroidery only comes in gold, and not silver (which is what it looks in the picture). Based on my colors, would this look tacky if I wore it anyway, even though the dress comes in white? I have not actually seen the dress yet, I have only seen it online.

Answers

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Vow Renewal,

You are planning a wedding and are already married. This will be viewed negatively and is not proper. Your vow renewal should not mirror a wedding, so you shouldn’t be wearing a wedding dress. I’m sorry but it would be best, so to avoid embarrassment, to read about the etiquette involved. Please read about wedding vow renewal etiquette and dresses for vow renewals.

You can still have a very nice ceremony that includes many of the same ‘wedding’ elements. It is just that this should be handled delicately so as not to confuse your guests and to create an event that appears to be a gift giving event.

Best wishes,

Reader Response

Most of the etiquette that I did read said it was fine to do things either way-have a small ceremony, or have a wedding, which is what I chose. I don’t think that anyone will be confused, as everyone seems to know that we are married, as they have been there with us for the last 10 years anyway. I did get everyone’s input on this prior to planning and everyone in my family agreed with me (as well as all of my friends) that I should go ahead and do this. They also suggested I register for gifts but I decided against this since I already own a home and don’t need anything. But thanks for the reply.

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc®, a wedding planning guide, and Recent Mother of the Groom –

As far as I am aware, on the site you mentioned, there are no experts giving this advice, only other brides. Please read Peggy Post’s most updated book (2005) on etiquette as well as The Bride’s Book of Etiquette and many others

from the site I quoted that was deleted (as far as I am aware, this is not other brides, this is not another forum):

the “etiquette police q&a”:

Many couples renew their vows with a traditional ceremony, but there are a few dos and don’ts. White dress: Do. (Nowadays, white is regarded as a symbol of the joy of a wedding.) Train and veil: Don’t. (Both are usually worn by a woman who hasn’t yet been married.) You can choose any date you want; couples who renew on their wedding anniversary do so for sentimental reasons. Finally, it’s inappropriate to mention anything about gifts—even the fact that you’re discouraging them— when sending wedding invitations; the best way to let guests know that you don’t expect presents is by word of mouth. Have your mom, sister, and other close relatives spread the word.

Reader Response

This is just one of the websites I saw, but I didn’t want to get into an etiquette issue. I just had a question about the gown color, which was never answered. everything is just about paid for, so the ceremony IS going on without a doubt, that is not the question. But thank you for everyone’s opinion. However, I am choosing not to follow tradition (tradition being the key word here).

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc®, a wedding planning guide, and Recent Mother of the Groom –

Right. There is nothing in that paragraph stating that you can wear a wedding dress. Just that you can wear white. The fact that they say no train or veil implies that the dress should not look like a wedding dress. The words “traditional ceremony” can and probably mean a traditional vow renewal ceremony and does not mean (or, at least, should not mean) that a wedding ceremony and vow renewal ceremony is interchangeable; how could they be?However, there is no mention of where they derive their information.

Since we give advice here based on modern day etiquette by experts such as Peggy Post, your color question really cannot be addressed since doing so would imply that it is proper for you to wear a wedding dress for your vow renewal.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

I completely agree with everything the Wedding Queen has mentioned.

Plus, please be careful about everything you read on the internet. Please ask yourself about the motive behind the answers. Do I make money off of brides? No. This is something I do because I want to help people make the best decisions for themselves and their families.

A great insight into how a vow renewal is viewed and will be viewed by others is where Peggy Post lists her information about wedding vow renewals. She includes this information with anniversary parties. She doesn’t even mention it with the wedding information. This alone speaks volumes.

Plus, the site you mentioned misstated gift references. Because a vow renewal is more of an anniversary party, it is acceptable to mention, “no gifts please” on the invitation. Gifts are not necessary for these events. However, some may consider giving because this is a party to celebrate your marriage, very similar to the anniversary party.