My fiance and I got engaged in December 2008, and did nothing to announce our engagement. We told our friends and family, and the parents spread the word to relatives. We would like to officially announce our engagement at this time because we have picked a wedding date in May 2010 and a venue. The small group that is getting invited to the engagement party will be getting Save the Date magnets with their engagement party invitation, no “announcement” since they all know. We want to send out Save The Date cards with some kind of annoucement for the rest of the crowd. We have combined the two into one mailing.

My question, however, is about if it would be proper to only send the announcements/S.T.D’s to people we are positively inviting (about 80% of our preliminary guest list). And those that speak to no one else in the family, mostly out of country and all out of state, waiting until a month or two from now until we finalize our guest list a little more.

Also, do we send wedding announcements after the fact to everyone? Or is there more etiquette regarding who get the announcement?

Thanks a lot!

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

Engagement announcements are traditionally made in your local newspapers. Wedding announcements are sent after the wedding takes place and only to those not invited to the wedding.

Please note that you shouldn’t be hosting your own engagement party or sending those invitations.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

I agree. Also, save the dates are only sent to those invited to the wedding. These are optional pieces of paper and can cause problems. If you change your plans, you are still expected to invite all who receive them.

There is no reason to “announce” your wedding plans by card to anyone; it just isn’t done any more. This is often viewed as a plea for gifts. And, the engagement party shouldn’t be viewed as a gift giving event. Yes, some may give a gift, but it should never be expected.

We have a great many posts on what is considered appropriate by per mainstream etiquette standards when it comes to the paper trail–save the dates, invitations, and announcements. It may be best to read them.