We are planning a lovely traditional wedding for our daughter and her fiance. We looked at several venues in the area in which they wish to get married, and they have decided on a lovely hotel which will accommodate almost 200 guests. The problem is, the groom’s family would like to invite over 100 guests and the couple have 80 guests they would like to invite. Our family is very small in comparison, but we certainly would like invite about 50 family and friends. The groom’s family is very unhappy about the fact that they won’t be able to invite all of their friends to the wedding. The Bride and Groom didn’t like the larger venues, and we would like to have them choose the place they love.

As a compromise, the groom’s family suggested that they would like to have a second party with about 100 of their friends after the wedding to take place in their hometown (and after their honeymoon). I feel very conflicted about this, as does my daughter. She feels that the wedding with 200 people is “enough” and she doesn’t want to have a second celebration after the wedding. I feel funny attending a party with guests that “didn’t make the cut” the first time around. I feel that my husband and I would be presented as the ” cheap parents” that wouldn’t include all of their friends. How should this situation be handled?

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites

Long gone are the days when the wedding is a party for the parents to host and plan. Although you are generous and are paying, it”s really all up to the couple. They chose their venue and they decide how many guests each of the three of you will invite (three meaning the couple and both sets of parents). The wedding guest list should be comprised of those who know the couple, so friends of the parents should also be friends of the couple. Have the groom explain this to his parents and ask them to adhere to the number of guests they are allotted. This happens quite regularly so they shouldn’t feel slighted.

If the couple does not want to host a second reception then they shouldn’t. Follow your heart on this one.

Jacqueline Vazquez

The Guest list is generally the center of attention, especially when it comes to compromising on who will attend and who cannot be invited. Now that the venue has been locked in, the next item on the list is the guest list. The couple should sit down with both sets of parents and make known what is expected with compiling the list. As the moderator mentioned, the friends of the parents should be friends or at least know the couple.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

I completely agree. And, a second reception is fine since it is being held after the honeymoon and in the groom’s family’s home town–very common. But, the couple should have the last say on this. It should also be a smaller, informal affair.