My fiancee and I both live in south Florida but our families live in Massachusetts so we have decided that our wedding festivities will take place in Massachusetts. My concern is for the shower…since he will be flying home with me we feel a male/female shower will be more appropriate. We want it to be a party where we can spend time will everyone we haven’t seen in a long time. The problem is gifts…We will have no way to bring all of the gifts back down with us and since we are taking a plane anything fragile would be a concern of mine. My fiancee feels that having a greenback and asking for only money is tacky…so I suggested money or gift cards, then they know that their gift will be used to buy something toward our home if they feel money is innappropriate. Please Help us solve this problem!! Thanks!

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear HelpPlease,

There is no such thing as a ‘greenback’ shower. I have heard the term, but it really doesn’t exist even though some have tried to make it real. It is viewed very negatively to ask for cash or gift cards, especially for a shower. So many are going for gift-less showers these days that it is extremely important for showers to appear positive and not greedy.

You or your family wouldn’t be planning this. So, the type of shower you have would depend on if someone wishes to host one and the type of party she/he wishes to host. You could suggest that this is what you would like (if the host asks), but ultimately it isn’t your choice.

A traditional shower is a party in which you open gifts. There is no polite way to host one in which you receive gift cards or cash because you couldn’t open a card and inform all of the guests how much so and so gave you. So, this is not possible.

All of your gifts could be shipped to your home. It isn’t too expensive.

Best wishes,