I am soon to be married and my sister (MOH) hosted my shower. My mother contributed money for the hall rental for the shower and brought some fruit for my sister to cut up to serve at the shower. The thing I want to know is, it is customary for the MOB to not give a gift at the bridal shower because she paid for part of the shower? My sister (MOH) did most of the work and paid for most of it but my mother insisted that her name be put on the invitations as the hostess. Also my sister had two conversations with her after the shower to express how distastful it was for her not to have a gift for me. My mom’s response was that she did not need to give a gift because she hosted the shower.
I just would like to know what is the ettiquete of this so we can put this to rest. I am a little hurt and I was a little embarrassed because all my friends were there, but it’s not that big of a deal. I am not getting married to get gifts. I just would like to know.
Thanks.

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

Just let me say first that I’ll bet no one but you and tyour sister noticed who gave what gift. Most people are chatting and don’t totally focus so tif they wondered at all about the guft the mom gave (or didn’t give) they probably thought they just missed it. I wouldn’t worry about being embarassed.

But mom should have given a gift even if she helped to pay for th shower. That was more of a gift to your sister who offered to host.But what will you do with this information? I’d resist getting into it with your mom if possible. let your siste tell her if you absolutely must let her know that she should have given a gift. If it were my mom, I’d forget about it and move on since there’s nothing to gain except disappointment, arguments and an embarassed mom. Unless she any more opportinities at being MOB or MOG and won;t embarass herself again, I’d leave it alone.

Nancy Tucker

This is perhaps one of the major reasons that a family member is not supposed to host a shower for the bride. As the “Queen” says “what will you do with the information?” Just let it go or risk sabotaging your relationship with both of them.

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites, Inc

Right, family shouldn’t host but as long as your sister is the MOH and a member of the bridal party that’s fine. Hoopefully no one knew your mom as footing part of the bill (acting as host).

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

I agree. Since mothers shouldn’t be involved in hosting or planning, it is very good no one knew about her involvement. But, you do. So, if it were me, I’d forget the gift and consider her generosity the gift.

And, no one should have been counting gifts or noticing who gave what. This isn’t polite and not something most do. I honestly doubt that anyone noticed that your mother didn’t give a wrapped gift.

FYI: Renting a hall for a shower implies that this was a large shower. Hopefully it was not. Large shower appear greedy, as if the bride wishes 2 wedding gifts from a large amount of her wedding guests.