My mother, my aunt, and I hosted a bridal shower for my sister’s daughter in my area of the country (NE) for family and friends who live nearby (my niece is from the mid-west). I also made numerous trips to her hometown before the wedding to attend multiple showers that were given by her friends, her attendants, and my sister’s friends. Now, 2 1/2 years later, my sister’s son is engaged. His fiancee’s family lives in the mid-west as well, but not near my sister. My nephew and his fiancee live near me (though not together) and she attended college in the area, so she has quite a lot of friends here. My sister’s friends are throwing her a shower in my sister’s town, just as they did for my niece. My sister has mentioned to my mother that she would like me to throw a shower for her since I threw one for my niece. I have never heard of such a thing, and was wondering if this is something I should do.

Rebecca Black, Etiquette By Rebecca

Dear Sis,

Well, an out of town bride is the only exception to the “family doesn’t host showers” rule. Even then, it should be planned carefully because a shower is an optional party that sometimes shouldn’t be hosted. It can very easily be viewed negatively when family is involved.

Having said that, the first round of showers 2-1/2 years ago was excessive and she really didn’t need the one all of you gave. A person shouldn’t have more than two showers, excluding the work shower. When having more than the two it appears as if it is all about the gifts. Considering that only those invited to the wedding are invited to the shower means that there are a lot of people giving two wedding gifts to the couple. Viewing it this way, doesn’t this all seem a bit… (use any adjective you wish).

So, on to your question–it isn’t proper for a family member to ask another to host. This is an optional party. Plus, she isn’t an out of town bride. Additionally, she has plenty of friends who can volunteer to host one. It wouldn’t be proper for you or any other family member to host.

Best wishes,