Seeking advice regarding shared cost of Bachelorette.

I am an out-of-town MOH. My bride is originally from our home town, and her bridesmaids all live in her current state (with the exception of 2, who recently moved out of state). On my last trip home, I saw 4 of the 5 bridesmaids & raised the idea of having the party in my and bride’s hometown, as it was a closer option for most of us. Everyone agreed.

During these discussions, I’ve mentioned (on multiple occasions), that we should split the basic costs of the Bachelorette between the bridal party, to cover the bride’s portion. I have sent emails asking for input, and have gotten some good feedback. Another out-of-town bridesmaid has told me that she had concerns about cost, so I decided to cut out the dinner portion and instead invite the girls over to a friend’s home to host an informal BBQ before we head to the hotel/bar.

Another bridesmaid has suggested that other girls are to be invited, which I expected. However, I assumed the other girls would be coming over for the bar/hotel portion. I had assumed the earlier part of the day was for the bridal party, MOB, and future MIL of the bride. We specifically suggested a quieter event so that the MOB/MIL could attend.

As I am out-of-town, I am trying my very best to keep costs reasonable and keep everyone happy. However, etiquette seems to suggest that I am to solely pay for the party. I have no problem hosting the girls and putting out a spread of food. However, as I am traveling quite a distance to attend, I was hoping we could at least split the hotel rooms evenly.

Am I being unreasonable to expect everyone to split? Am I expected to make hotel/travel arrangements for the other additional guests? I just don’t want to be on the hook for paying for a bunch of hotel rooms if people don’t show up. I simply don’t have that kind of money, on top of traveling to all of the events.

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites

The bachelorette party is the one party we expect “guests” to pay. Everyone attending pays their own way and shares the cost of the bride’s bill. The bridal party should decide what sort of party to host to make sure most people can afford the cost and like the idea. Then invite the bride’s nearest and dearest who are not bridesmaids and hope they can attend. Most people know that they will be paying their own way, but to be sure you can make mention of the pans and the cost with the invitation.

The idea of having a barbeque during the day with bridesmaids and moms sounds very nice, just don;t call it part of the bachelorette since:
1. Moms shouldn’t be invited to a bachelorette, for the most obvious reasons!
2. Your “guests” should be invited to the entire party. So, if the BBQ is party of the bachelorette party, then you couldn’t include just bridesmaids/moms and exclude the other ladies, inviting them to only half the event.

I hope this helps.

Rookie MOH

Thanks for your advice! That was wonderful.

Donna, Wedding Queen, President; Top Wedding Sites

You’re welcome. Please let me know how this works out for you.