I am a bridesmaid and my friend (the bride) lives in Vegas and wants to have the total bachelorette weekend in Vegas (entertainment, clubs, nice hotel room). The MOH also lives in Vegas and everyone else lives out of state. Far out of state in that the flights to Vegas are currently $500-$600 per person.

The MOH wants us to pay for our own shares meaning airplane, hotel, activities, clubs, food, drinks and i’m assuming the bride’s part.

I was just wondering if this is normal? Because if each of us has to pay our own way, that’s almost $1,000 per person. Is the maid of honor supposed to pay anything because right now it kind of seems like she’s just planning (barely) and collecting the money. Am I as a bridesmaid supposed to do anything?

Brandi Hamerstone,

The MOH should have been more cost conscience when planning this event but since she wasn’t you are very much able to politely decline the invitation if you choose to.
There isn’t a right/wrong way when it comes to this process since the MOH is supposed to plan but can really do what she thinks will work best for everyone. She should be paying her own way and the same share that the rest of you are paying. Again, she is doing what she wants and since she can plan this her way, you can go along with it and spend the money or politely decline and assure the bride you will be available to fulfill the rest of your bridesmaid duties.

Jay Remer, The Etiquette Guy, International Protocol and Corporate & Social Etiquette

The Maid of Honor has certainly taken over. I find it awkward and distasteful when someone spends my money for me. I think she has taken for granted that everyone can afford this very expensive weekend. There is nothing ‘normal’ about this at all. You are under no obligation to accept this invitation. My guess is that you won’t be alone in your feelings about this! Follow your instincts. Your common sense will not lead you astray!

Joyce C Smith, MBC, President and owner of Weddings Unlimited, Inc. and Ohio State Coordinator for Association of Bridal Consultants

When one takes on the role of a bridesmaid, it comes with financial responsibility. I agree that the party is expensive and that the MOH needs to keep others in mind when planning the get together. If she and the bride are aware that the weekend is a financial burden on some or all of the girls and elects to proceed, then you should have the right to opt out.

firstbridesmaid

Thank you all for your advice. This issue has been bothering me. As a bridesmaid, I feel like I should go. But at the same time the MOH is not taking into consideration those of us who are cost conscious and making us spend nearly $1,000 each for a bachelorette party in which we have no say or idea how our money will be spent.

I want to go into a bachelorette party having fun and not worrying that I will be broke by the end of the night. If the MOH still doesn’t realize this and that nobody is RSVPing, then I will have to decline as well. I find it more appropriate to have the party when the bride flies into her hometown for the wedding and all 18 people can attend instead.