Engagement Ring Etiquette. How Should I Offer a Ring to Daughter’s Boyfriend?

My mother has a diamond that she would like to offer to my daughter’s boyfriend to give to her during the proposal. Is this proper etiquette? I’ve heard of grandmother’s giving rings to grandsons, but can she give it to the man who would be giving it to her granddaughter? Actually I would be giving it to him.

Etiquette Guy

I have never heard of this being done. It is the man’s token of love which he is giving to his future wife. I think this offer is somewhat inappropriate. It’s akin to someone calling a host and suggesting to them what to serve for dinner. I may just have the point of view of a traditionalist, but there you have it. I hope it helps.

Wedding Queen

I have a different point of view.
My husband died when my kids were babies and I have a beautiful wedding set that I plan offer to my daughter’s suitor (for lack of a more contemporary word) if she marries to use as her engagement/wedding ring. The keyword here is offer, I think. I’ll make it known to him that he can choose to give this ring if he likes, or he can buy his own ring. Just don’t put him in an awkward position where he felt he would have to accept. One thing he will be sure of – my daughter loves the ring!

Both my kids like the idea. We talked about it recently since my son actually chose to use his grandfather’s wedding band at his wedding last year. He and his wife discussed it and they came to a mutual decision to use the heirloom ring. If my daughter doesn’t marry, or her boyfriend chose to select his own ring, I’d still give her the ring at some point.

I think every situation is personal. There really isn’t any clear cut etiquette on this subject that I could locate. Use your own discretion.

Etiquette Expert

I’m in complete agreement with The Wedding Queen. It is common, or at least has been in the past, to use/offer heirloom rings, especially from grandparents. Yes, it is more common for the ring to be given or offered to the family member directly. But, there is nothing wrong with the young man giving the young lady’s grandmother’s ring to her. It’s just a bit different.

I understand the idea of the ring being a token of the young man’s love. But, it really doesn’t matter if he didn’t purchase it. It is still a token and symbol of his love. If they both (the couple) agree that they’d like to use it, it would have the added symbol of the family uniting.

One big problem I see here, though, besides the young man feeling pressured to use it, is that the young lady might not want it. She may feel as if she wants to choose her own ring. This is something she should want. So, it might be best for you to feel her out on this issue–covertly. Find out if she even likes the ring and how she would feel if it were an option before the young man offers it to her.

Heirloom Engagement Ring Etiquette

Many young people have turned to heirlooms engagement rings for more meaningful alternatives to new diamond rings. Family members often pass down these rings freely or are asked by the groom. Heirloom engagement rings are not only symbolic of the giver’s love; they are also full of tradition and family memories.

What Is The Etiquette on Heirloom Engagement Rings These Days?

My mom gave me my grandmothers ring as I prepare to propose to my girlfriend. I’m torn. On one hand, I don’t want to disappoint my mom and on another hand, I feel like I should pay something for the ring I give my future bride. Plus, I’m worried that she’ll feel the same way. Thoughts?

The Wedding Expert

My husband used his grandmother’s wedding ring and made modifications. He added his touch to it which meant a lot to him. His family was happy that he could incorporate the family history into the design. You can go to a jewelry store and have them design a ring to your liking and add in old diamonds. You can even get rings modified by sending them off to online jewelers such as OrlaJames. That way she can get something old and something new! Make sure you check that the family is ok with that first before tearing apart the ring.

The Bride Next Door

Propose with the heirloom engagement ring and give her the choice to keep it. If not then you can buy her the perfect ring afterwards. Personally, I’m pretty sure I would love ANY ring that my future husband would give me. In saying that, if she doesn’t love the design, then don’t hold it against her if she chooses to get a new ring…

Wedding Planner

My engagement ring used the diamond from his grandmothers ring. He customized it using the family diamond. It is nice to know that his family supports our relationship and it means a lot to me to have something that both of his grandmothers treasured. The only problem I forsee, is that your fiance doesn’t like the style of the ring. Make it clear that she can have it changed.